


'Til I Am Myself Again

by WinterAndLittleBrunettes



Series: Winter Drabbles [10]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Karaoke, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), allurance is a thing in this fic, but it sells the pain keith's going thru, feelings are involved, keith sings a good ol' country/rock song that his dad used to love, like suuuuuuper drunk, shadam is also a thing so sue me, so roll with me on this, the palafam gets drunk, unfortunately to everyone involved, which is v unlike me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 08:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22453369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterAndLittleBrunettes/pseuds/WinterAndLittleBrunettes
Summary: The pala-fam goes out for drinks at a karaoke bar at Hunk's suggestion, and they judge the awful singers there. But the entire time, Keith has trouble keeping his eyes off of Lance, who's arm seems to be perpetually wrapped around Allura's shoulders.So Pidge signs Keith up to sing to give him an excuse to get away from Lance, and he's not sure if he should take it. What would he even sing?
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Allura/Lance (Voltron), Hunk/Shay (Voltron)
Series: Winter Drabbles [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1120797
Kudos: 11





	'Til I Am Myself Again

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really have an excuse for this, guys.
> 
> Heads up though, **this fic does not have a happy klance ending**. Weird, right? This is _me_ we're talking about here, who am I and what have I done with Sam?
> 
> Well, allurance being together is a huge part of Keith's angst in this story, so, it had to happen. ( _read: it's all of Kieth's angst_ )
> 
> This story also just went up on my instagram, so consider going to give it some love? <3
> 
> Oh, and the title of the fic comes from the song ["'Til I Am Myself Again" by Blue Rodeo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKcZsBLS17U)! I recommend giving it a listen before ( _and perhaps during_ ) your reading experience.

# 'Til I Am Myself Again

When Hunk suggested they all get drinks at a karaoke bar this week, Keith was initially wary. He knew it’d be loud and obnoxious and full of stupid drunk people, and he’d been right.

But at least he was with his friends, equally stupid and drunk. Except for Adam, that poor bastard was the designated driver of the horrendous minivan tonight. He could only hope that Romelle didn’t puke half in the car, half out the window this time.

They were camped out at a booth in the corner, made to sit only about half of their group, but they made do. They even stole some chairs from a neighbouring table to make sure everyone could fit. Shiro, Adam and Keith all sat on the chairs, while the rest of their group sat squished around the table.

“Why’s it so loud in here?” Shay slurred, leaning heavily against her boyfriend.

“Karaoke, hun,” Hunk reminded her softly. “Not everybody here is a good singer.”

“ _Nobody’s_ a good singer when drunk,” Pidge clarified. She suddenly slammed her drink down on the table, barely managing to not spill any of the amber contents and raised her hand like she was about to lecture everybody. “I have to pee,” was what she said instead, and proceeded to climb up onto the table to get out of their booth.

Lance and Keith quickly snatched up what drinks they could before Pidge could step on them, but Adam wasn’t as lucky; his Sprite was sent sprawling to the floor beneath her clunky feet. With muttered curses, he excused himself to go get another.

Allura laughed at that, her chortles sending her deeper into Lance’s side.

Keith tried not to let that get to him, but it was hard when he wanted more than anything to be in her place.

“Anyone else need another drink?” Shiro asked, ever the gentleman. “I can get it.”

Everyone took a peek at their drinks, but all of the glasses were still full, aside from his boyfriend’s glass that was spilled in Pidge’s wake.

“A’ight,” Shiro said with a shrug and stood up to make his way over to the bar, with only a slight wobble. But when he started walking, he quickly started swaying to the side, taking a less direct route to get a drink.

Matt rolled his eyes, and with a bone-deep sigh that most drama-queens would be proud of, followed after his friend to make sure he got there safe and sound.

Romelle took a sip of her drink before realizing it wasn’t actually her drink. With pinched lips and narrowed eyes she put the drink back down on the table-- Keith distantly realized it was his, though he could have sworn he was holding it-- and instead grabbed her fruity fun drink, one that dangerously didn’t taste like alcohol.

“Tha’s what you get,” Keith said, wagging his finger at her. “Don’t steal other people’s drinks.”

“I didn’t mean to,” she whined, “they just look the same.”

“Oh honey, no they don’t,” Allura spoke up. She pointed to Romelle’s drink first, “Yours is in a fun glass with a cute little umbrella,” then she pointed to Keith’s more boring glass, “and he’s drinking a disgusting man’s drink. Besides, yours is pink.”

Romelle hummed consideringly. “True. But it’s getting hard to see colours.”

“Oh boy,” Lance muttered, and ran a hand down the length of his face, “she’s gonna puke in the van again.”

“Definitely,” Keith agreed. They shared a look and a small smile, but Keith was quick to look away, staring down at his wobbly reflection in his whiskey. It danced and rippled with each slight tremor in his hand, but he couldn’t help but think that was reflective of how he was feeling right now.

Adam and Matt returned with a giggly Shiro in tow, all holding new drinks, and a minute later, Pidge returned wearing a smug smile on her face. Keith wasn’t sure he wanted to know what _that_ was all about.

He wasn’t really involved in any of the conversations happening, so Keith watched distantly as a couple stumbled up to the stage, giggling into the microphones while trying to pick a song. In his mind’s eye, he could see he and Lance doing that, giggling and having fun doing coupley things.

But he quickly shook the image from his head, not wanting to think about something that would never happen. Lance was straight. That was just a fact. And besides, he was with Allura. Lance was ridiculously in love with his girlfriend, and that would never change. 

So he took a big swig of his drink, and gagged a little when he tasted Romelle’s sickeningly sweet pink lemonade lip gloss. Then took another swig, until he didn’t care about the taste of her lip gloss anymore.

Or much of anything.

Soon enough, his drink was empty, so he stood up, meaning to head over to the bar. But his thigh bumped against the table, sending him sprawling back a couple steps with a curse.

A warm hand settled against his lower back, steadying him before he could go teetering back into his seat. He glanced to the side only to realize it was Lance, and jerked away. He didn’t want to feel his touch right now. It both soothed him and sent ice down his veins, a crazy juxtaposition that sent his buzzed self spiraling.

Lance looked hurt, but didn’t say anything. Instead he just tangled the same fingers that touched him mere moments ago with Allura’s. The sight stung Keith, but who was he to feel that way?

So he moseyed on up to the bar to get a refill.

Pidge was beside him in a flash, looking more sober than he’d seen her all night. “You good?” She asked, loud enough to be heard over the horrible music.

Keith shrugged. “I will be?” He said hesitantly, clinking his glass against the bartop to catch the bartender’s attention. “Won’t be tonight, but that’s fine. I can have one more night to wallow in self-pity, but then that’s it. I’ll move on from loving Lance.”

“Oh, no, I meant,” she pointed back towards the stage, “you good to sing?”

“Wait, what?” Keith eyed her incredulously. “I don’t-- Sing? Why would I--?”

“Because I signed you up and you’re on next.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he droned, leveling her with a look. “Why did you sign me up?”

“To get you away from Lance for a bit,” Pidge shrugged. “Looked like you could use an excuse for a bit of space.”

Keith groaned, letting his head fall forward against the bartop. The sticky-dampness of it grounded him a little. Even if Pidge’s heart was in the right place ( _it was_ ), he wasn’t about to go up there and sing.

His drink made a dull thump against the counter when refilled and placed in front of him again, and he quickly grabbed it with a nod towards the barkeep. The amber liquid swirled in the glass, catching the dim light from behind the bar.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Lance watching him, his arm still casually circling Allura’s shoulder. Keith’s body flushed under his attention, and quickly turned his back on him. Throwing back his drink in one go, he grit his teeth against the taste and turned to Pidge, noticing the shocked-impressed look she gave him, before saying “Fine, I’ll take you up on it,” and made his way up to the stage.

As soon as he stepped up in front of the microphone, staring down at the karaoke machine with more than a thousand song options, his mind blanked. _What the fuck was he doing?_ He wasn’t _nearly_ drunk enough to sing in public. But as he let his gaze sweep over their table, seeing everyone drinking and laughing, oblivious to Keith’s struggle, he focused in on Lance, who was half watching him and half paying attention to Allura. And he came to a decision.

He had to sing. And then he had to flee. Maybe with another quick drink along the way, depending on how much time he had.

So he focused down on the karaoke screen again, and tried to pick a song.

But the more he stared at it, the more overwhelmed he felt. There were too many options, too many songs he didn’t know, too many songs he only kinda knew. His eyes widened unbiddenly at the feeling.

But then, from somewhere deep in his mind, a memory came to the surface. Something from a long time ago, he and his father sitting out on the porch, a guitar and a blanket between them. He let the memory wash over him, along with all the feelings that came with it. Nostalgia. Contentedness. Warmth. He could almost smell the deep smoky scent of his father’s aftershave, the sweet aroma of their evening tea, the crisp evening air… 

He knew what he had to sing.

As he clicked the “search by artist” tab, he saw Pidge throw her drink back out of the corner of his eye. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at her as he started typing in “blue rodeo”.

Fortunately, the artist came up in the list, and he was able to find the album and the song he was looking for. With a quick glance over at his table of friends, he selected the song, and listened for the guitar to start up. The mic smelled horrible, like alcohol and bad breath, but the stand was steady, and he was able to get a good hold on it to keep himself upright. Maybe drowning his last drink as fast as he did was a bad idea. Already, the timer on the screen was counting down, telling him to be ready to sing in three, two, one--

“ _I wanna know where my confidence went,_ ” Keith started out a little shaky, not having used his singing voice in a long time, “ _one day it all disappeared._ ” He tried to keep his eyes anywhere but his group of friends, but looking at strangers didn’t help. So he picked a spot on the wall and stared at it as he tried to get a grip on his voice. He knew this song by heart, had forever.

But as he finished up the first verse and the chorus, he couldn’t help but notice Lance pull his attention away from their table to focus on him, watch him as he sang, watch as he leaned on the microphone stand less from the alcohol but more from fear of losing his grip. Grip on everything. “ _I feel like a stranger from another world, but at least I’m livin’ again._ ”

The words of the song rang more true then than they ever had for him, and his knees gave a valiant attempt to give out from under him when he realized it. “ _There are nights full of anger, words that are thrown, tempers that are shattered and thin._ ” With each word, he felt more and more sober as the truth rang out in his words. “ _But the moments of magic are just too short, they’re over before they begin._ ”

And if the way Lance was staring at him was any indication, he knew how true the lyrics were too.

“ _I don’t need a doctor to figure it out, I know what’s passin’ me by,_ ” Keith tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before looking out at the partially interested crowd again. “ _When I look in the mirror, sometimes I see traces of some other guy._ ”

He was helpless up the stage to watch as Lance stood up from his seat and stared across the distance with a complicated look on his face. Keith didn’t let himself think about what it means, not even when Lance started to reach a hand out to him. “ _I wanna go, I know I can’t stay, but I don’t wanna run feelin’ this way..._

“ _‘Till I am myself, ‘til I am myself, ‘til I am myself again._ ”

As soon as the lyrics were done, Keith threw himself off the stage, leaving the spotlight as quickly as possible. He couldn’t stand to see the look on Lance’s face, the half step he’d taken away from their table to follow him. He just couldn’t stand to see it, knowing he’d never get what he so desperately wanted from his best friend, so he followed his instincts…

And fled.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you guys liked this fic! And if you did, consider leaving kudos and/or a comment!
> 
> Feel free to follow me on other social media platforms! You can find me on [tumblr](http://winter-and-little-brunettes.tumblr.com/), [twitter](https://twitter.com/winternbrunett5), and [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/winterandlittlebrunettes/)! I usually post updates about my fics, so follow me to keep up to date with my writing!


End file.
